Hello

I have been getting large pain full bumps on my body for the past few months.  I had one that looked kind of weird on my leg a few months ago and went in to see my doctor and he said that it was a staph infection.  He told me that if I get more then one at a time to come back in.  Well, I did notice a few weeks after the one on my leg faded away that I had another one and thought nothing of it because it was just one.  Well I looked at it closer and found that I had a sprinkling of red dots all around the same area.  So I made an appointment and went in, my Dr told me to avoid taking long showers  and to stay away from pools and to use lotion.   I am taking a huge pill twice a day and we hope that it will fix the problem.  For the ones who don't know about staph infections,  if it is not taken care of it could get into my blood stream and give me pneumonia and if it gets bad it could kill me.  My doctor told me that sense I am young and have no other complications that I should be OK.  It will take about six months to get rid of it all together.  So I am a bit worried but not to bad.

I have decided to do something very hard, you know that guy I like from work?  Well, he plays Frisbee every Wednesday and Saturday.  I was playing with him every week until I found out that he was in a relationship. So, I have decided that in order for me to get past the idea that he has a girlfriend I need to involve my self with them instead of hiding.  I want to keep playing Frisbee with him and if she is there then I can get past the pain faster, I hope.  I want him to know that I want to keep spending time with him away from work.  I don't want the pain but I really don't want to lose his friendship.  So I hope that I can get past it and have fun. I am going today and my tummy is all tied up in knots and full of butterfly's.

 Oh and I found out last Friday that my old (almost boyfriend) is returning to Nu Skin.  Ugh!!! God give my strength.

Ahhh :)

Hello, all of you wonderful people.  This weekend is one that I look forward to every six months, conference weekend.  I just finished the Saturday sessions and am looking forward to Sundays.  During conference today I decided I would clean my house, you know what? when a my house is clean it is a home.  You can do whatever you want.  You don't have the thought of the sink full of dishes looming over your head.  You can just relax and enjoy the rest of your day. 

I was sitting in my TV room after conference and began to worry about things I have no control over and then it hit me.  Why do us women worry about the tiny little things in life?  Like for instance, your texting your (hope to soon be boyfriend) and he just stops texting with no reply or explanation to why.  So, me being a girl I start to worry about why he didn't answer back.  So many other things us women worry so much about.. but why do we? It drives me crazy sometimes.  I wish during those times that I could just turn off my worry and take a deep breath and think rationally.  But why do we need to nit pick at things?  Why do we need to always know how our relationship is going?  When men just go with the flow and if things change they tell us.

But I am also very glad to a woman because of all the other things we can do that men can't.  I was watching a show that was testing the myth that women can take pain better then men.  I am happy to say that it was true that women can tolerate pain longer then men.  I love that we can create life and help bring it into the world.  We have so much power in our hands if we only know how to use it we could in a small way rule the world.  I have this little saying on my wall that says" I am fairly certain that given a cape and a nice tiara I could save the world"  It makes me smile when I see it.  We need to keep our hopes high and always have a project your working on or towards.  Keep reminders around your house that can help you remember.  If you have goal to remodel your home keep a jar for any loose change you may have from day to day.  Save for those things that you want.  Even if it is fifty cents a day it is a visual way of seeing progress.  I love the movie UP and how they had a large jar to put their change in.  It is a way to see that even though you may only have five dollars of change in the jar you are closer then you were when it was empty.

 Now it is something totally different when it comes to wanting a relationship or something else you cannot save for or count down to.  In those times you need to still keep the reminders that you want those things to come to pass.  Now, me being single do want to get married.  So what I do? I do things like instead of sleeping in the middle of my double bed I sleep on the side and instead of using my other closet I keep it empty.  I make room for the man in my life to move into.  Now, I don't set a place for him during dinner and talk to my self, that is going a bit too far.  I just make room for him in my life.

Ugh, I am sorry this must be boring to read.  But it helps me to get my mind off of things. I don't care if no one is reading this it just makes me happy.

Clean slate

OK, I am starting anew. I erased all of my past posts so I can start over with a new life so to say. 

I went running last night and loved it, I just went for about ten minuets but it was exciting and fun to do.  I want to fill my life with things that make me happy.  Things that can fill me with joy like this morning I decided in the spare time I had until I needed to go to work that I would pick up my craft room.  It made me happy to see my things and to pick them up and put them away.  I was reminded that I had so much in this life and should keep my self happy.  It also reminded me that I have a lot of purses. When I get board of one purse I go in to my craft room and look on my walls where they are hung and decided which one I would want to use.  When I decide on one I would just toss the other one onto a chair.  So when I was having to bend down almost 5 or 6 times to pick up another purse it reminded me that I have so many.

I hope that my mindless posts don't bore you.  It is part of my plan on being happier, writing on here is a way for me to forget what I worry about.  I say sorry again if you get board hearing about my ups and downs in life.  I feel more creative and it helps me to have something to look forward to.  It helps me to open up and to think of the positive things in life.  OK, something good that happened today......... um, well, I guess that so far I liked laughing during work as my friend Rodney was singing the opening songs to Three's Company and  the Golden Girls shows. It makes me so happy to have friends at work.

Well, I am still looking for a full time job.  If anyone who knows of a job opening please let me know, anything anywhere. I would do anything to get back into my field.  For ones who don't know I went to school to be an Ophthalmologist, Optician's assistant.  It gives me so much joy to work with people and children, *sigh* oh well I will go wherever the lord wants me to go. 

Oh why why why?????

This last weekend was so bad for me. In the past few months I have been liking a guy at work. We have built a wonderful friendship and I have loved every day of it. We walk in together every morning and talk, he sits by me at brake and we talk some more.  I play ultimate Frisbee with him twice a week, I like him a lot. He is a wonderfully kind country boy (not a cowboy).  He hunts and helps his family around their small garden.  He likes to ride horses and he loves BYU football.  He is from a large family of 8 and lives in Springvill.
Why am I telling you all of this you say.  Well, you need to know about who he is so you understand.  See,  like I said we have been doing all of those things for about two to three months and then a bomb hit me like a tone of bricks.  On facebook he posted that he was now in a relationship with another girl just Friday of last week.  I wanted to die and just give up on everything in life.  Well needless to say I stayed in bed all day Saturday and felt like I would die. I just wanted to walk right in front of an oncoming train. Things just seemed hopeless. You must remember that this has happened to me not once not twice not three times but four, ugh!!!.  I called my mother so many times that day crying and complaining about my life. I watched a lot of movies and ate a lot of junk. It got to be about four in the afternoon, and I needed to talk with my mother again so I called. She told me that I needed to just live my life and be happy, to find joy in something and have fun doing it and to just let god take over and to stop trying so hard. We talked about some options and decided on a few. My parents have been telling me that I am learning something new every time this happens. I am being taught thru my challenges even if it is so hard to bear I am still learning something. When I hung up the phone I felt so much better. The next day when I went to church and I was a bit worried that seeing all of the family's would spark sadness in my heart, but it didn't. Instead I was happy. I am blessed to have a wonderful ward family who loves me dearly. One of the counselors in the bishopric is a Marriage and family counselor (found this out while I was having problems with guy #3) and so he talked with me.  He helped me see the things that I didn't see.
This boys name is Kevin and he does care about me and my feelings and he is my good friend. I know that one day I will find my husband. I have faith that this wonderful blessing of companionship will come to me one day. I have longed for it all my life and know I will be blessed with it, all of it. Kevin and I are still walking in to work together and having brake together. We wave good bye after work and then start all over the next day. One funny thing is that the girl he is with now looks just like me, It gives me hope in finding a guy who can love me for me. I am planning on going back on my diet after my trip and I want to start running in the evenings for exercise. I found out that I like to run while I was playing ultimate Frisbee. Well I hope that you and your family's are doing well. Cherish what you have, because a lot of men and women that are single want it so bad. Give your spouse an huge and tell them you love them.
If your traveling thru Blogger and feel like life is worthless, don't give up. Things will be OK dearest, have faith.

Make your self know to me if your just traveling thru Blogger. I love to hear from new people.


*** sorry for any typos or mistakes ***